Best Jokes ;)

These are some of the Best Jokes I've come across from all the emails I received from friends and relatives across the world. I will compile them here and hope that you too will enjoy them as much as I do. Just in case you find any of them offensive or that you know the author, let me know and I'll credit them accordingly.

 

Collection of Funny Stories

  1. Inspiring One Liners
    If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry! Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life!
  2. Needs
    Men's and women's needs differ - why? Maybe you'll understand after reading this.
  3. What a Woman Truly Wants?
    That can be a really challenging question, but read on and find out.
  4. Malaysian Head Hunters
    A another Malaysian political joke you may enjoy. There's some truth in it though.
  5. History of SHIT
    Bet you do not know the History of SHIT, find out here.
  6. Guys Over 60
    Military Duty Redefined - Drafting Guys over 60
  7. Just Bob
    honesty's still the best policy
  8. Speeding Lady
    A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding
  9. Lone Ranger Joke
    The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
  10. What's Your IQ
    What's Your IQ is strictly a Malaysian Political joke. You'll enjoy it only if you know what's happenning in the country.
  11. Super Viagra
    Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight
  12. Too Much Facelift
    A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
  13. Ayah and Allah
    Strictly a Malaysian political joke. Check it out only if you have been following the Allah controversy in Malaysia.
  14. Catholic Coffee
    There were four Catholic men and a Catholic woman having coffee. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father".
  15. Don't Fuck Up
    Morris and his wife go visit a marriage counselor.
  16. Birthday Gift
    a real surprise...
  17. Dirty Old Men
    Two old men decided that they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night in town.
  18. Dad's Always Right
    Never argue with your dad.
  19. God Will Provide
    He has no job, no plans and he thinks I'm God!
  20. Nudist Colony
    Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an
  21. Man o Man!
    When without money, wife becomes secretary; When have money, secretary becomes wife.
  22. Philosophy of life
    Know where you're going in life... you may already be there!
  23. Molly The Camel
    When in doubt, always ask first before the fact, not after.
  24. Chinese Jews
  25. Turkey And The Bull
  26. Me First
  27. Kids Know Everything
  28. Pain Transfer
  29. Why Women Can't Sleep?
  30. A Dead Duck
  31. Honorable Man
  32. Holy Prostitute
  33. Four Friends & Their Sons
  34. Moshe Plotnik's Laundry
  35. British & Singaporean English
  36. Best Lawyer Story Ever!
  37. Why Do We Shout When We Are Angry?
  38. Why I Forward Jokes
  39. Amazing Anagrams
  40. Response To A Marriage Advertisement
  41. Crazy Not Stupid!
  42. Hearing Problem
  43. Real Friend Test
  44. Church Jokes

Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar . . .: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes (Paperback)

by Thomas Catart and Daniel Klein

This New York Times bestseller is the hilarious philosophy course everyone wishes they’d had in school

Outrageously funny, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar . . . has been a breakout bestseller ever since authors—and born vaudevillians—Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein did their schtick on NPR’s Weekend Edition. Lively, original, and powerfully informative, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar . . . is a not-so-reverent crash course through the great philosophical thinkers and traditions, from Existentialism (What do Hegel and Bette Midler have in common?) to Logic (Sherlock Holmes never deduce)

Review
"The zaniest bestseller of the year." - The Boston Globe

"I laughed, I learned, I loved it." - Roy Blount, Jr.

Get Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar here

 

What's YOUR best joke?

Do you have a great joke or story to share? Put them here. Share it with everyone!

Title of your joke

Share your joke here[ ? ]

Upload 1-4 Pictures or Graphics (optional)[ ? ]

Add a Picture/Graphic Caption (optional) 

Click here to upload more images (optional)

Author Information (optional)

To receive credit as the author, enter your information below.

Your Name

(first or full name)

Your Location

(e.g., City, State, Country)

Submit Your Contribution

Check box to agree to these submission guidelines.


(You can preview and edit on the next page)

What Other Visitors Have Said

Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...

Complete and Finished 
What's The Difference Between Complete & Finished? People say there is no difference between complete and finished. What do you think? 1. When you …

Senior Citizen Quotes - Young At Heart 
Senior Citizen Quotes - Young At Heart Young at heart - Slightly older in other places Eat right and exercise - Die anyway I'm retired - I was …

Short Jokes 
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low. ***** A Muslim dies and finds himself before …

What is Politics - Malaysia Political Joke Not rated yet
Whether it be Barisan National (BN) or Pakatan Rakyat I think you'll get a kick out of this. A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics"? …

Bedroom Jokes - Honey I Found The Remote Not rated yet
Bedroom Jokes - Honey I Found The Remote Fondling in Bed After more than 25 years of marriage, Site and Kassim were lying in bed one night when Siti …

Funny Joke - Devoted Husband Not rated yet
The Devoted Husband It was Halloween, and a couple had plans to attend a big costume party at a friend’s house when the wife came down with a painful …

Short Funny Jokes - Best Cure Not rated yet
John called his office and told the boss, "I can’t come to work today, I’m really sick. I’ve got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt." The …

Short Joke - Smart Malaysian Beggar Not rated yet
Short Joke - Smart Malaysian Beggar A beggar to another beggar: I had a grand dinner yesterday. How? The other beggar asked. First beggar: …

Collection of Short Jokes Not rated yet
Collection of Short Jokes For parents The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become …

Malay Jokes (Jenaka Melayu) - Sejarah Melayu or Malaysian History Not rated yet
Malay Jokes (Jenaka Melayu) - Sejarah Melayu or Malaysian History Dilarang senyum atau ketawa semasa menjawab, kalau tidak anda akan digagalkan di Ujian …

Clean Jokes - Don't Do Drugs Not rated yet
Clean Jokes - Don't Do Drugs Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, …

Short Clean Jokes - Man's Thoughts Not rated yet
Short Clean Jokes - Man's Thoughts Sincere Thought 1 When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers. When we are married, our …

Funny Malaysian Joke - Wedding Night Not rated yet
Ali gets married, and on his wedding night calls his father to get some tips on what to do since he had never been with a woman before. "So what do …

Malaysian & Singaporean Joke - Making Sentences with Numbers Not rated yet
Jokes for Malaysians and Singaporeans. Ah Beng was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10. Not only did he do it from 1 to 10, …

Short Funny Jokes - Malaysian Tourist Not rated yet
Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and …

Short Very Funny Joke - A Deal's A Deal Not rated yet
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, 'D d d doc, I've bbeen stttutering ffor yyyears and IIII'm tttired of it. Cccan yyyou hehehelp me?’ The …

Very Short Joke - Blind Date Not rated yet
Very Short Joke - Blind Date "How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate. "Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed …

Short Very Funny Joke - Dear Diary Not rated yet
Short Very Funny Joke - Dear Diary A Diary Entry of a True Heroine who saved 1600 lives... Four times in a single day! DEAR DIARY ... DAY ONE I …

Short Funny Jokes - Alcohol Not rated yet
Short Funny Jokes - Alcohol In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with …

Employment Joke Not rated yet
Go ahead and laugh! It's good for you. It never ceases to amaze me how some human minds think... Subject: Letter from HR To: Dear employees, …

WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE - I'M BROKE! Not rated yet
WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE - I'M BROKE! A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum …

Interview with a Chinese girl - Joke of the day Not rated yet
Ah Hua went for a job interview to be a secretary. When the manager saw Ah Hua's colorful attire and gold, white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming, …

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder Not rated yet
KNOW THE SYMPTOMS.....PLEASE READ! Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better, even though I have it!! Recently, I was …

Old Motor Not rated yet
Old Motor The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital …

Click here to write your own.

Lets Be Tolerant Not rated yet
I am perplexed that so many of my friends are against a mosque being built near Ground Zero. I think it should be the goal of every American to be tolerant. …

CHINA IS THE WORLD'S ONLY COUNTRY Not rated yet
BIN LADEN SAID: CHINA IS THE WORLD'S ONLY COUNTRY Bin Laden said: China is the world's only country we absolutely cannot mess with. The reason is this: …

Saiful would love this Not rated yet
IRISHMAN IN THE ELEVATOR Skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy …

Goddess and God Not rated yet
Singapore Joke – Goddess and God A European tourist was visiting a temple in Singapore when he noticed a statue, with two faces, a man and a woman, …

What I Want In a Man Not rated yet
What I Want In a Man - Original List 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses …

PREGNANT LADY Not rated yet
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the …

Irishmen hunting in Malaysia Not rated yet
Two Irishmen flew to Malaysia on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane to take them into the Taman Negara for a week wildboars or babi hutan. …

Best Tongue Twisters Not rated yet
Attention pupil, our lesson today is about pronunciation. Please read the statement below clearly and loudly. Don’t worry about the meaning of each statement, …

Wise Men and Other Jokes Not rated yet
Released by Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Husbands. Different Phases of a man: After engagement: Superman After Marriage: Gentleman After 10 …

To die like Christ Not rated yet
In Kuala Lumpur an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for his …

Wisdom Not rated yet
Wisdom A guy is 84 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' He looked around …

If you want someone who... Not rated yet
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's . . . . . . then adopt a dog. …

Malaysian Astronaut Not rated yet
Astronauts.... Just for laugh Wait till you read the second joke... This is a humourous reflection of Malaysians. American Spaceman is called Astronaut …

Malaysian Joke - Tara Singh Not rated yet
Back when Vietnam was still separated as North and South, the president of South Vietnam then was President Thieu. As he was getting a lot of unfavorable …

Malaysian Joke - The Begger Not rated yet
A beggar to another beggar: I had a grand dinner yesterday. How? The other beggar asked. First beggar: Someone gave me a RM 100 note yesterday. …

I ALMOST DIED Not rated yet
Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room chatting about things and life. Then we talked about living and dying. I said to her: “Dear, …

The Promised Land Not rated yet
The Preacher said: "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river". And the congregation cried, "Amen!" "And if I …

Singh is King Not rated yet
Sikh Joke A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they …

Men vs Women Not rated yet
Perception... - Men Vs Women thinking: Women Friends chatting in office Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours? Woman 2: it was a disaster. …

Don't Mess With Mommy Not rated yet
The Woman Marine Pilot The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of …

Donation to UMNO Not rated yet
A friend sent me this today: I was stuck in a traffic jam on the PLUS Highway last week. Nothing moved for half an hour when suddenly a man knocked …

Click here to write your own.

 

New! Comments

" Share your thoughts. Help me improve this page. Thanks.

 

 

If you find this page helpful please recommend it by clicking on these buttons:
on Google Plus