British Singaporean English
Best Jokes ;)
Just how bad is British Singaporean English? You be the judge...
Who says our English is bad? Just read below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point, effective etc.
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Singaporean: No stock!
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?
Singaporean: Hello, who call huh?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?
Singaporean: S-kew me..
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Singaporean: No need lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Singaporean: (pointing at the door) Can ah?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Singaporean: No need shy one lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Singaporean: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Singaporean: Don't want lah.
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Singaporean: You mad ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Singaporean: Shut up lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE oR SHE KNOWS YOU..
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?
Singaporean: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment..
Singaporean: Die lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Singaporean: What happened ah? Why like that one lah?
WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you.
Singaporean: Like that also don't know how to do!
So which do you prefer? Send this to your Singaporean friends and let them have a laugh too. Good day!
The Solid Singapore-Malaysia Joke Book I (Paperback)
by Ben Mathews
The biggest and most popular collection of zany jokes from Singapore and Malaysia - more than 400 jokes and every one a winner!
Get The Solid Singapore-Malaysia Joke Book here
Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar . . .: Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes (Paperback)
by Thomas Catart and Daniel Klein
This New York Times bestseller is the hilarious philosophy course everyone wishes they’d had in school
Outrageously funny, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar . . . has been a breakout bestseller ever since authors—and born vaudevillians—Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein did their schtick on NPR’s Weekend Edition. Lively, original, and powerfully informative, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar . . . is a not-so-reverent crash course through the great philosophical thinkers and traditions, from Existentialism (What do Hegel and Bette Midler have in common?) to Logic (Sherlock Holmes never deduce)
Review
“ The zaniest bestseller of the year.” —The
Boston Globe “
I laughed, I learned, I loved it.” —Roy Blount, Jr.
Get Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar here
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